The Post mid Year Resolutions

The Manifesto was inspired by New Years resolution goals, with the aim of making my hopes, dreams and targets a reality.  This blog was here to log my progress and keep me accountable.

Today I am being accountable – I have lost focus, with the pressure of work, the nights getting darker and time spent with the new girlfriend I have found my self-improvement goals have suffered

So I came up with a list of things I want to do:

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My hell

5 months ago I was in my own personal hell at work.

The situation had been gradually declining for the past year at work and despite subtle warning signs I did not take any action to advert the slump and would carry on regardless.

I had become angry, even though I knew this was not me.

Strangely out of work my life was brilliant, because of this blog I had set myself a direction and purpose and so:

  • I was in the best shape of my life.
  • I had an active social life.
  • I was seeing women after a three year dry spell.

Perhaps this clouded my ability to not see the crash that was approaching, because although I hated my job, it gave me the money for me to do all the other amazing stuff.

But they say you need to hit rock bottom, before you realise what is going wrong and can start building yourself up again.

When it happened, I was emotionally upset and I could not shake the feeling that my brain had split in two from the stress at work.  I walked by the canal in my lunch hour and wondered what that cold water would feel like.

Then my fight or flight response kicked in.

My fight response was the deepest, darkest pit of my mind.  Fortunatley I understand consequences and if I had done that I would be in prison now.

So I favoured the flight.  I drafted a resignation letter, which I was going to hand in the next day.  I would walk from my job straight away, I felt I was at a point of no return where my relationship with the boss could not be mended.

I was giving up a nice goodbye, no leaving present, no speech giving the usual pleasantries about how much I’ll miss everyone.  I would just throw the letter on my bosses desk and walk out.

Perhaps I would travel and get a job abroad, doing some bohemian lifestyle.

I would forget working in admin ever again, I obviously didn’t have what it takes otherwise I would never have got myself at such a low point where I was making so many mistakes.

Whatever came next, I though it was better than how things were, my stress made me feel trapped.  I was under a boss who had some sort of mental disorder, why else was she constantly tormenting me in such a way.

If people wondered why I would consider such an action, it was purely down to the fact I felt powerless - I saw no possible future of bettering myself in that work environment.  This thought had been validated a few months ago when – I’d been blocked from applying for a secondment elsewhere within the organisation a few months earlier by my boss.

To not work there would mean I was free to do whatever I wanted.

Yes, it would look bad on my CV.

Sure I would probably have a spell of unemployment.

And I may have to work part time again.

But to regain my power was worth it.

So I went to work the next day and despite thinking over a thousand things in my head for how I wanted to do it – an ultimate ‘fuck you’ speech I would make to my boss or an awkward scene that would cause her a world of shit, I began to bottle it.

I looked at the letter

I looked at my bosses door

I did this several times till one of my colleagues realised something was wrong.  So I spoke to them in private.

I broke down in tears and she talked through the problem and explained the gravity of the situation – all the stuff I had already gone through in my head the night before.

I would be free, but I would broke.

And there goes the social life, doing what I want.

There goes going out with that girl you really connect with.

There I go further down the work ladder after 10 years of trying to be succesful.

My colleague and friend said that I was obviously not in the best frame of mind and that I should go to the doctors to get a sick note for stress.

I didn’t want to admit it was that, but I knew I didn’t feel right.  I had never been sick like this before, it wasn’t an injury and I didn’t have a virus, it was all in my mind.

So I did as she said and got time off from the doctor for stress.

And so I sat back and began to re-plan my life.

  • Was I going back?
  • Was I going to quit?
  • Was I going to escape my hell?

What was going to happen next?

The best sports film motivational scene

Type in motivational video or fitness motivation in youtube and you get dozens of compilation videos using the same stuff from the same stuff:

  • Al Pacino in Any given Sunday - inch by inch, play by play.
  • Rocky six, where Sly is giving his son a kick up the arse with a motivational speech
  • Muhammad Ali

“I’m going to show you how great I am”

But they always miss one film off.  A film that got one lazy fat kid off the couch.

A film that inspired him to want to become a hockey player (but he didn’t as there were no rinks nearby for him to go)

A film that even to this today is the reason why he always looks amazing when the temporary rink is set up at Christmas time.

Yes, I am talking about the motivation speech scene in the Mighty Ducks sequel.

Ducks fly together…

As Team USA are losing after some questionable tactics from the opposition the kids resort to acting unprofessionally, resorting in roughing up the opposition, cheating and just generally messing about.

But Coach Bombay (Emilio Estevez), calls the team out on their actions.  He rallies the team calling on the need for them to behave in an honourable manner and the importance of being themselves.

And so the team is regrouped as the Mighty Ducks.

Who would have thought a kids film could have such a motivational scene, so anyway… Emilio nailed it.

Flying spitfires in Moncton, Canada, 1941

I have taken to sharing my photographs on this site.  However in honour of Rememberance Day, I decided to share some photos taken by my grandfather.

groupspitfirephoto

 

As I have a love for Canada, I decided to share photos that were taken on the train in Canada and in the town of Moncton, where he underwent training to fly a spitfire.

 

aretheydoingburpees

Are they doing burpees? – Must run in the family.

 

 

Barrack view at Moncton canada

bunks eric woodhouse and lol (question mark) westcott

The barracks

 

 

 

Canada 1941 canadascenary1 canadascenary2  canadascenary5 canadastreetscene canadatowerbuilding  churchincanada

Various scenary

fromplane

There were stories my grandfather crashed his plane.  I hope he wasn’t taking a photo while flying!

militarymarch

Marching

horseandcart

 A horse and cart

   house Main street of barracks - Moncton 1941   monctonscenary1

More scenary – Canadians if you recognise any of these places let me know.

 streetscene train train2 train3 trainbridge trainscenary canadianpacific2816

Train appreciation

Front end of train - 4 carriages from rear, Canada 1941 at 50 mph

Taken from 4 carriages to the rear at 50 mph.

militaryguygroupphotowill on bike

Various people met on the journey.

In the middle photo my grandfather is the one sat down on the furthest to the left.

View from Barracks - Moncton, Canada 1941 monctonscenary2View from train - Canada 1941 Dec

It looks pretty cold – we have no right to complain in the UK!

 

Going to Moncton to replicate these photos were I can is on my ‘bucket’ list.  Thanks for viewing these photos.

don

Donald Wilson

My angry year

“You’re a person who loses their temper easily…”

When a boss said that to me, I thought that was not like me at all.  I am pretty well laid back and from that statement I realised they did not know me at all.

Ironically I left the room in an angry state, then again they knew how to push my buttons.

Things continued throughout the rest of the year and occasionally I got angry.  It became clear that I had a problem with my emotions when I lost it during a meeting with the horrible boss.  I was just frustrated, I was not being listen to and I felt my skills were under utilised.  I was between punching them or crying – both would not result in great outcomes so I stormed out of the room.

I realised I had changed, I was an angry person, but what happened?

  • Perhaps it was my frustration that I was doing a job I was over qualified for.
  • Or that it had been years since I had any prospects with a woman.
  • My social life and hobby composed of going to the gym.

And this is why I was unhappy.

I did not want to be that person anymore, I wanted to go back to being the relaxed guy, the joker in the office.  And instead of being told that I had a short temper, I wanted to go back to being described as a ‘calming influence’

2013 was my angry year.

2014 was the year I would change and that is how the manifesto was born.

I used to be angry…

But then I thought “What do I have to be angry about?”